In this moving episode of the Widow Life and Money Podcast, I welcome Rachel Faulkner Brown, founder of Never Alone Widows. Rachel knows the widow journey not once but twice, having lost her first husband at 23 and her second, an Air Force pilot, at 31. Her story is one of profound loss, hard-won healing, and a faith that carried her from desperation to destiny.
Rachel opens up about the shame and anger that so often hide beneath unresolved grief, and how two years of therapy helped her finally process the losses she had spent more than a decade pushing through. She shares with honesty and warmth what it looked like to stop soldiering on, to let go of a long-held secret, and to discover an identity rooted in grace rather than performance. Her reflections offer language and permission for any widow who has felt behind in her own healing.
We also explore the financial realities that surface in widowhood and remarriage. Rachel speaks candidly about surrendering her survivor pension to remarry, the stark divide she sees between financial haves and have-nots, and the hidden stress of widows who inherit a spouse’s business. She offers practical wisdom on evaluating a future partner’s character through generosity, thinking carefully about education funding and debt, and approaching money as something we steward rather than own.
Above all, Rachel reminds us that a widow’s story is not over. From founding Never Alone Widows almost by accident to watching it grow into roughly 90 local groups across the country, her life is a testament to turning pain into purpose. Her challenge to stop asking “why did this happen to me” and start asking “who needs what I’ve learned” is one that will stay with listeners long after the episode ends.
Affiliated Links Mentioned During the Podcast:
Organizations/Programs
- Never Alone Widows
- Connect with Rachel on Instagram (@rachelfaulknerbrown) and follow Never Alone Widows (@neveralonewidows)
Books/Bible Studies
- Widows Might (daily devotional)
- Scene from Desperation to Destiny (eight-week video Bible study)
Thank you for listening to this episode. We hope Rachel’s story brings you comfort, hope, and a reminder that your best days may still be ahead. If you are a widow navigating your finances and would value a trusted partner, you are always welcome to reach out for a free, no-obligation consultation. As always, please leave a review and connect with us with your questions or feedback. We value hearing from our community.
Show Transcript
Daniel: I’m Daniel Kopp, certified financial planner and financial therapist, and welcome to the Widow Life and Money Podcast. As the founder of Wise Stewardship Financial Planning, I know all too well that grief changes everything. My passion and purpose now is to take what I’ve learned as a widower coupled with financial planning and therapy to help you navigate your own unique grief journey. In this episode, I am honored to welcome Rachel Faulkner Brown, the founder of Never Alone Widows and a deeply impactful voice in our community.
Rachel shares her profound perspective as someone who has walked the valley of loss twice, losing both her college sweetheart and her second husband, an Air Force fighter pilot. Together we unpack the shame that follows a widow into new relationships, the heavy emotional strain of solo parenting, and the complex financial decisions surrounding remarriage and military pensions. Rachel shares how an authentic look at our spiritual identity can break open old pain and pave a path toward true healing. Thank you for tuning in and being a part of this community.
Daniel: Let’s walk this path together, leaning into the hard spaces as we look toward a future filled with hope, security, and peace of mind. Rachel, thank you so much for coming on to share your expertise, your experience, and share many, many helpful bits of knowledge and resources with our listeners.
Rachel: Thanks, Daniel. So honored to be here. Thank you for having me.
Daniel: Now, many of our listeners are probably familiar with you, but I’m guessing some of them are not. I’d love to share a little bit about how you ultimately got into this space, right? What was your personal experience as someone who has not just walked the widow journey once, but actually twice?
Rachel: Yeah. Well, my life took a really hard turn when I was twenty three years old and my husband died on the basketball court of an aneurysm. And he was twenty seven and the love of my life, my college sweetheart, you know, just … We were talking about having children that day. I remarried two years later to a fighter pilot in the Air Force and he died in a plane crash when I was 31. But this time we had two children. And because I love marriage so much, I did it again, Daniel. I got married for the third time 13 years ago in 2013, and he was a pastor in Atlanta. And so I’ve had three very different lives and it’s been it’s been amazing and hard.
Daniel: I know that that only scratches the surface and you’ve shared many parts of that story elsewhere for our listeners to go and and hear where you’ve been interviewed and talked about that before. I’ve heard you describe this idea of someone who soldiered on, especially early on those parts of those grief experience. You pushed through for the sake of, you know, being strong, trying to work on your testimony in that way. But looking back now, what was actually happening underneath that strength? What finally cracked it open? How did you balance what ultimately became to be this very vulnerable, open journey that you’ve built?
Rachel: Yeah. Well, you don’t know what you don’t know. So I’d never seen vulnerability
I’ve heard you describe this idea of someone who soldiered on, especially early on those parts of those grief experience. You pushed through for the sake of, you know, being strong, trying to work on your testimony in that way. But looking back now, what was actually happening underneath that strength? What finally cracked it open? How did you balance what ultimately became to be this very vulnerable, open journey that you’ve built? Yeah. Well, you don’t know what you don’t know. So I’d never seen vulnerability.
modeled. I mean, you know, no one actually was telling the truth anywhere, it felt like. I mean, they were just, you know, putting names on prayer lists and none of were themselves a lot of the time. And I just, you know, I think I grew up with parents who were, you know, raised by depression babies. So there just wasn’t a lot of time for, you know, whining and, you know
There was just it wasn’t that there wasn’t emotional support because it was definitely there. There just wasn’t an emotional vocabulary. You know, there were teachers, they worked really hard. And I think at the end of the day, you know, when you’ve got shame on board coupled with emotional unhealth, there will be an implosion. And so for me it happened to me when my husband’s had passed away. but even before Blair died, my second husband, there were
hints that, you know, the wheels were falling off. We ended up in therapy. We needed, you know, we needed help. It’s very difficult to get help as couples in the military, especially when you’re flying, because it means something psychologically might be wrong and you can’t fly the plane if something psychologically is wrong and I mean there’s just a lot of weird rules that I didn’t even know were there.
Rachel: And so I could see hints of it and then Blair dies and then, you know, I just keep going, right? I start a Bible study two weeks later and invite thirty women into my house thinking, well, we’ll just learn more about the Bible and that’ll make grief go away. I mean, it’s just all these crazy convoluted thoughts that I had, but you don’t I didn’t know what else to do but to press more into the word. Not a bad thing. I mean, not a bad thing.
But no one two weeks later needs to be like hosting a Bible study because they’re panicked, they can’t learn, they don’t know enough about the sixty six books of the Bible to teach their children. That’s not the reason. And, you know, a and and yet I’m hosting and you know, the kids are asleep upstairs and you know, I’m kind of the train wreck and everybody’s like, well let’s go to Rachel’s and support what she’s doing and anyway, so the real really the wheels kind of fell off right before I ended up in therapy. I’d never been to therapy. I’d never
process my emotions even after Todd died. I was just I was the girl who just got up every day and was happy. You know, I didn’t struggle with depression. And I think when you don’t struggle with depression, you tend you tend to dismiss your grief. First of all, you you don’t feel it. You know, I was not feeling anything. I was very numb. And so when you don’t feel it, you can’t heal it. And you certainly can’t process it if you’re not processing with someone. So it’s just a cluster. I mean there’s a lot going on there.
And then a friend, you know, I’ve told this before, but a friend s you know, was with me in Kroger and I screamed at this lady who was telling me that I was gonna die and get cancer from eating microwave popcorn. And I just lost my mind on this poor lady and my friend was like, You need help and I ended up in in therapy at that point and kind of the wheels
The wheels were falling off. I was angry at my children. You know, I couldn’t control them. I had a strong willed child. There was just a you know, grief compounded over th eleven, twelve years, you know, there was a lot going on. And so ended up in therapy and then ended up letting go of a secret that I’d kept for twenty five years, which is what changed my life.
Daniel: Yeah. I’ve heard you share about that story before of what it was like to to stop. Yeah. Reflect. To look inside and and to figure out what was there. I love so much of what you just shared there. There’s so much we could unpack, probably more than we even have time to get into a conversation like this. And thankfully I know you’ve talked a lot about this before for listeners to go and learn more. You picked up on a theme that I often hear clients talk a lot about, which is this idea of shame, right? I feel like I should measure up to something or the expectations that culture or society or family or church places on us and that gap can often show up with shame. And you use that word very specifically. I’d love for you to share a little bit more about what that meant for you and what you’ve learned about that concept since then.
Rachel: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, you know, shame is always related directly to you. You know, it’s I did something or I didn’t do and I’m I’m bad, right? and so it you always you always internalize shame and you live at this low hum of life because shame is such a low frequency on our emotions. So when you’re feeling that you don’t get to experience joy, which is one of the higher frequencies of emotion. So it’s really but the reality is is I didn’t know I had shame. I think most people who are walking around who have shame on board, they don’t know. Like I said, you don’t know what you don’t know. And I just never heard people talk about it. I mean, I know Brene Brown was talking about it, but I wouldn’t listen to Brene Brown. And so I think at the end of the day, this is, you know, we’re talking fifteen years ago. I mean, therapy wasn’t as pervasive. you know, conversations about shame weren’t as pervasive and especially in the denomination and you know, religion that I would say I was in, I people were not vulnerable and no one was talking about identity. I mean, we were just, you know, really lacking in the new covenant of what I would call the new covenant teaching. And the the biggest thing that I see is when you are wanting to blame other people, there is shame. Because for me I was blaming Blair’s job. I was Blair’s job was messing up my life. Okay, well
That is such an indicator that shame is on board. If you are pointing the finger at anyone around you saying they are the problem, that’s shame talking. And so I feel like you’ve got to get to the root of it. The other piece that I see is that anger and shame go hand in hand. And what is below anger a lot of times is unresolved grief. One thousand percent. Shame and anger, like love playing together.
And then you’ve got grief on board, which is unresolved. And that’s just such a recipe for for a lot. A lot of hard things. And so fortunately, you know, I imploded and got to sit with the therapist for two years and figure out what I was feeling and, you know, process death and process raising children alone and, you know, letting go of a secret, meeting the Holy Spirit. A lot of things happened in this two year window before I married my husband, my third husband. And
You know, I always say, I mean, Rod would have never married me if he had known me before. He wouldn’t have even been attracted to me because I didn’t know myself. You cannot know yourself with a secret. You you literally can’t. You don’t even know who you are. ‘Cause you without a secret equals a totally different human, really. I mean I you know, it’s hard for people who knew me before I think sometimes to even relate to me now because I am so different. My family, you know, sometimes my friends, I mean the ones that have been with me the longest, not so much, but like I’m I am not the same person even than I was when Blair was alive. And so, you know, that’s hard for people who want to relate to me as they knew me. I’m like, I’m not that girl. She died. She died. When Blair died.
Daniel: So true.
Rachel: Yeah, when Blair died, you know, I think it died the best death, really. You know, I died the death to myself. And it took a few years, but I’m really grateful.
Daniel: So interesting to hear you share that because that’s something that I echoed as well, is like turning pain into purpose, right? No one asks for what we would ever wish for. Walking through the valley of the shadow of death, but walking on the other side of it, right? The depth of spiritual lessons that you get to see about seeing this side of life in light of eternity and the lessons that you get to learn about, like you said, about what grace can look like in spite of grief and shame and all the things that you talked about. Yeah. I know there’s so much there. I’d love to hear just briefly, like what has it been like for your deepening of spiritual maturity? What stands out to you that you’re often sharing these lessons learned
Rachel: Mhm. I mean, at the end of the day, Daniel, I did not understand the gospel. And so if you don’t really understand the gospel, it all the other stuff is just, you know it’s pointless to even talk about. Like if you don’t know who you are in Christ, if you don’t know how loved you are, if you don’t know how forgiven you are, if you don’t realize that you’re the righteousness of Christ and nothing about being righteous is anything related to you doing right things, which ninety nine percent of believers, if you ask them in a room of church people who’s righteous, I guarantee you every almost ninety nine of them would flinch and be like, maybe… Maybe and and the difference is now I’m like me. I am righteous because he made me righteous and not anything I did. And if you don’t have that right, you will never ever know who you are. A
nd nothing else matters unless that is solid in who you are because you cannot you cannot possibly receive all the gifts that God has for you if you don’t know that those three things are true. It is the absolute foundation of our faith. Your forgiveness is not up to you. You don’t need to scrape your soul every night and try and think of 55 sins that you did that day, unless you wronged your brother. Like that was all done at the cross. Like yes, there are moments to ask for forgiveness from others, but you can’t make yourself any more forgiven because of something that you do.
And I don’t think most Christians believe that. They think it is up to them. To remember all their sins every day, to stay in good standing with Jesus. And the reality is you were in good standing with Jesus when he went to the cross. It’s nothing that you did. It was before you were even born, before the foundation of the earth. All of that was set up. And so the thought that we could do anything to make ourselves better, to be better for God, if you have ever thought I’m not a good Christian, you don’t know the gospel. I mean, my gosh, like you can’t be a good Christian. Like there’s only one kind. You’re in Christ.
Sorry, I get so passionate. I’m so sorry. But it is so it is such a pervasive religious yuck. on this nation, on anyone, I feel like in most denominations, they just they never they walk around not knowing what they have. They walk around doubting that God really means it when he says they’re good enough or they’re in Christ or your sins have been forgiven. They don’t believe that.
They do not believe that. And if you don’t believe that, you will never walk in the fullness of what Jesus died for. And nothing else really, to me, can be done until you get solid there. And until you have an encounter with Christ. Encounter leads to intimacy, leads to revelation. And if you’ve never encountered Christ in your divine imagination, which I think the church has done us all a disservice not teaching how to interact with Jesus and our imaginations, I mean
You’re gonna be sad. Like you I don’t know how I mean it is why our ministry has been I’m not gonna say successful because that sounds gross, but it is why transformation happens is because we create environments where women encounter Jesus. It’s not about grief, it’s not about healing really. It is one touch of his robe because they know the authority of that little string when she touched his robe and the power went out from him and he didn’t have he really didn’t have anything to do with it. It was her grabbing hold. It was her grabbing hold of his authority. That’s what changed her life. And that’s what changes our widows’ lives. Sorry, I get really passionate. I also circle back to something you just said a little bit ago about like how much you love marriage so that you decide to do it a third time.
Daniel: Remarriage comes up regularly in conversations with The widows that I talk with, particularly with the challenges hopefully the Love Lives On act will get be able to address that, but thinking through some of those not just the emotional, mental, spiritual challenges, but also the financial ones that come when gold star spouses in particular think about remarriage. Yeah. How would you how would how did you think about it? What was that like for you?
Rachel: I mean, I think at the end of the day I was just like, This is the way God set it up and I’m gonna do and surrender, you know, what what little
particularly with the challenges hopefully the Love Lives On act will get be able to address that, but thinking through some of those not just the emotional, mental, spiritual challenges, but also the financial ones that come when gold star spouses in particular think about remarriage. Yeah. How would you how would how did you think about it? What was that like for you? I mean, I think at the end of the day I was just like, This is the way God set it up and I’m gonna do and surrender, you know, what what little money that meant every month, which you know, we’re not talking tens of thousands of dollars here every month.
We were talking, you know, I was just like, God is bigger than that. I mean, that’s just the way I thought about it. I was like, God is bigger than a pension. And I’m not saying it’s wrong. I’m just saying like he’s a big God. He’s he’s really bigger than what you think he is. And so I was just like, you know what? I trust God to make this up above and beyond. And I’m gonna go and
I mean I wanna be married. I mean at the end of the day I wanna do things God’s way and I was determined to do that and you know, there’s no way to do that, you know, i in my mind. I mean, you know, we we are pretty pretty staunch views on that when it comes even to our local leaders, never alone and and that
You know, you gotta draw a line somewhere. I mean, you’re either you either wanna abide by what Jesus says or you don’t. I mean, it’s pretty black and white to me, but I know it’s not to a lot of people. But for me, I was just like, My God’s bigger than my pension. Sorry. But he is. And I and I think at the end of the day I was so I had seen the faithfulness of God financially in my life. And so I had a history. And I think if you don’t have a history of trusting God with your finances, you don’t know. My gosh, I’m gonna be penniless and I’m gonna be poor and I’m not gonna have enough to take care of my children. I’m like one thousand percent I knew that God loved my children more than I did. And I was like, He will provide way above what I can manipulate to happen for us and for my children. And I mean to say that has been true. I mean, here’s the thing, and I I tell this to the widows who ask this when we do widows of heroes. I’m like, I mean, no harm, no foul, just
Try you know, I mean my thing is if you want to get married. At the end of the day it’s it’s not that much to lose. I mean it was it wasn’t for me and I know for other people it is, but my husband was an officer. It wasn’t like you know, I mean it was it was significant and at the same time I feel like the laws are turning, you know, th at least people are talking about it, how unfair that law is. But at the end of the day I just I I surrendered my finances. I mean, I wanted to be married and and because of that I had to surrender my finances to another man. It wasn’t like I just surrendered to the pension, I mean I was like, I’m saying I trust you with everything that I have. Now, I mean, we can, you know, people ask me all the time, Did you get a prenup? I did not, but at the end of the day, the state already has in Georgia a prenup for you. Everybody gets fifty fifty. So I’m kinda like, you’ve already got one, whether you know it or not. But I I’m like, the thought of going in, going
When this when this fails, I I just go in I just believe God a little bit bigger for my future and my life. And, you know, maybe some people think that’s crazy, but I’m just like, you know, I just at the end of the day, I I don’t want to go into anything going, Well, if it fails, well, what if it what if it’s amazing, you know? And I’ve got to trust this man. And this is one thing that I tell our widows all the time. If you’re dating and you are out with him and he’s stingy with tipping, if he is stingy with the way he drives and cuts people off. If he is if you hear greed and the way he treats his children or a poverty spirit like there’s never enough. I mean
Sorry, you you’re me you’re hitching your wagon to a spirit of poverty. And so you you choose. You know, do you want to hitch your wagon to a spirit of generosity? And that was the thing about Rod. He was given twenty percent of his what I would call a very limited income. He was given twenty percent of it away. I honestly don’t know how he lived, but he lived the most amazing life. And I thought, there’s something there, you know, and I can’t I can’t convince a forty-year-old man to be generous. Honestly, you’ve made that bed on some level
Outside of an encounter with Jesus, you’ve made that bed, you know? And so trying to try I I mean, I I’m very, very serious with the widows. If he’s not generous in the way he tips, don’t expect him to be generous with you or your finances or anything related to your family. And it is I’m telling you what, generosity is the sexiest thing on a man. There’s nothing there is nothing more amazing than a generous heart. Nothing.
Daniel:
It is very revealing about so many other aspects of character there. Reminds me of some of the work that been done in the financial therapy world about the money scripts, the stories that we grow up with and how that interacts. Because yeah, when you two become one, the finances become melded and there’s so many distinct elements there. It also relates to this idea of when you get to work with widows and your counseling and the retreats and all the things that you’ve done over the years. Right, so you have the civilian widows though who are outside kind of like that military system versus the widows of heroes who, you know, there’s often a a very structured process. There’s a ton of benefits. What do you see as some of the distinctions between those two groups?
What have you noticed over the years that stands out to you positive or or negative in their experiences?
Rachel: Yeah, yeah. Few things. There are well, thirty percent of widows fall below the poverty line after their husband dies, which is super concerning. What a in fact one of our governor gubernatorial candidates here in Georgia is talking about that because our property taxes are so high that a lot of times widows will end up homeless in Georgia. Which is shouldn’t be the case, right? I mean but it it but it happens because our, you know, property taxes are so high and then they’re reassessing every year and it’s just it’s insane.
But anyway, all that to say, It’s very haves and have nots. There’s not a ton of middle ground. You either got a million or you didn’t and you didn’t get anything. Or you just got maybe a hundred thousand dollars from a GoFundMe and that last about two seconds, you know, in and when gas is four fifty nine. So I think at the end of the day there is a real chasm in the middle. what I do see is a lot of times they do have a pension from their husband and that, you know, obviously is super helpful and then they’re really careful with with that big chunk of money that they invest. And then I see a lot of times they’re owning businesses that their husbands own together and they’re having to run the business that they know nothing about.
And that is I will say watching widows who’ve had to do that, that is the most unbelievable amount of stress I’ve ever seen. Besides having a special needs child and being widowed. Those two having to run a business and take over a business that you were kind of like completely out of on some level, but yet this is your livelihood and then you have employees and that is very difficult. A lot of times they end up selling the business, probably not for even what it definitely probably not what it was worth when he was alive because yeah, it’s just too much. It’s just too much. And so then that gets all convoluted. So there’s a lot of hard things. Now the military side, you know, again it depends on if you were enlisted or an officer. I mean you know, there it it’s very haves and haves nots, even with that as well, depending on how long they were in and, you know, social security for your kids. Like everybody’s getting that. But I I will say, like the more kids that women have, you know, yes, they’re there you get more money from Social Security. But gosh, I mean kids are just so expensive. I will say that is that is one thing. They’re costing more and more every year. And a great and it’s awesome. But it’s just when
When a widow loses in the prime of those income years, what I have seen is they never make it back up. And there’s just there’s just some lack. You know, just on the numbers, you know, just doing the numbers. And that and that’s really hard. I do think a lot of times because there are so many benefits for the military, we take it for granted. And the civilian, you know, there’s a lot of gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme and just help me and do this and all that and I’m like, you know, that kind of feels hard to me sometimes, but on the civilian side, I mean, they don’t have anything like that. They don’t get their kids’ college paid for. They don’t get, you know, so there’s a lot more big chunks needed of income unless they’re joining the military and have that plan, which I highly recommend for all widows. Like talk about the military to your kids so they don’t end up saddlebagged with hundred thousand dollars worth of debt when they get out of school. ‘Cause I just I don’t believe school’s worth that anymore with AI.
Rachel: I’m just being honest. I don’t think college is worth what it is. I mean, I I really believe and my kids are in going to college and all the things, but if I were having to pay for it, I would think long and hard I’m gonna be really honest with AI coming.
And all the things that are here with that, I would be like, we’re gonna go into foolproof ways, you know, and and however we get that paid for and whatever that looks like, whether it’s trade school, I think trade school is the most underrated thing in the whole universe. I think joining the military is the most underrated thing in the whole universe. So I’m like, don’t saddle your kids with debt. That’s just my biggest you know, I’ve we’ve we’ve got a we’ve got a
We’ve got a family, they’re they’re pastors, they’ve got five kids and they’re like, Hey, if you want to go to college, you have to join the military. We don’t have the money. We’re in ministry. We don’t have the money to pay for your college. I love that. I mean I’m kinda like, It’s on you, kid, you know?
Daniel: I find it refreshing, honestly. There’s so many ways to structure it. That’s why I love talking with clients about the idea that what’s important to you, what’s important to your family values, whether the values that you’re trying to instill in your children. ‘Cause education planning, education funding is a powerful you know, multiplier on one hand or potentially a drag based on how you do it. So yeah. Yeah. Having lots of student loan debt can be a a very big challenge. But like you said, there’s so much support that’s already in place financially and otherwise for people in the gold star community, so it’s powerful to hear your reflections shared on what that looks like. Now you’ve had the chance to sit in these kind of conversations with many, many hundreds of widows, I’m sure, over the years. What is money like when the walls come down? What are they saying? What’s the the real version, not the polished ones, though our listeners might feel heard or seen when it comes to like the stress, the anxiety, the uncertainty, the having to step in and w wear both sides of the relationship money and management
Rachel: When you used to have partner. What comes to mind when you think about that? What comes to mind is they’re like, where can I get a job? I mean, really, a lot of times they have to go back to work because there’s just, you know, even including me, like I don’t know, you know, I don’t know how we would pay for our life if I didn’t work. I mean, at the end of the day, you know, we we live in Atlanta. I I will say this, you know, I highly recommend to widows on twofold.
I think moving is so important for widows. I think fresh start when they have enough wherewithal to sell and buy something that, you know, they can really afford on what they get, you know, because I think a lot of times they’re strapped with a big house based on his income. And long term that feels scary sometimes, you know, if they if they did live, you know, big or whatever. Bigger. so I I highly recommend moving for for multiple reasons. It’s a fresh start.
It’s great for your kids. It it creates resilience. It also creates a new territory for you to heal. A lot of times going back to church is really difficult for widows, so they don’t go they end up not going back to church. Well, I’m like, hey, just change your whole radius. Like I moving from Columbus to Huntsville, Alabama was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Now I can’t say that would be the case for everyone, but it changed my perspective. It allowed me to meet new friends. It kind of took me up and out and into a new mindset of people. And so I highly recommend moving just because I think it is just brilliant. It really is. It changes your brain and you say to yourself, I can do hard things. A lot of times I do see that they have to go back to work, which is is really difficult. But sometimes can be really great. You know, I don’t I don’t
I don’t see that as a negative. Sometimes they get new careers. What I see a lot is they go back to school. you know, go back to school to do something. Once their kids are in school, a lot of times they’ll go back to school and, you know, learn something new or go back to, you know, work. And you know, I think the hard conversations are around your children’s future. You know, at the it always comes down to I can’t give my kids
Probably what I would have been able to give them had Blair ex whoever it is been alive. And at the same time, that’s an opportunity for me to God is bigger than what you think you can’t give them. You know, this is a Proverbs three, five, and six moment. It is trust in the Lord and lean not on what you understand. Because our understanding, even financially, is so limited.
It is so limited and God is so He’s the He’s the creator of the universe. He owns everything. None of anything we own. I mean Ted Turner just died this week here in Atlanta and he said, None of this is mine. I’m just borrowing it. Ted Turner, I don’t even know that he was a Jesus follower. He owned millions. He was the largest landowner in a North America. He was like, this is just all borrowed. Everything we have, including our kids, our finances, everything we have is borrowed. We don’t.
Not even your house. You think you own it. You don’t own anything. You’re just stewarding it for the kingdom. And when you get that mindset shift, money looks real different, you know?
Daniel: Yes, preaching to the choir over here. I love this idea because you talked about this many times, ownership, right? Ownership of widowhood. You know, it’s in some ways a countercultural thing to say to someone in deep grief, like, you should just own this experience or you lean into it even. How does that work? What have you seen that look like in practice? And how does our spiritual beliefs intersect with the idea of stewardship you just explained?
Rachel: Yeah. Well, I went to Israel in twenty nineteen before the pandemic and you know, the guy on the bus was like You know, the pomegranates only grow in the valley. They don’t grow on the mountain. When you’re looking out on the mountain, everything’s great, you’re not growing anything. I mean, you’re just looking out on what God has done. You’re in awe, wonder, whatever. But where fruit happens is in the hard things. And so for me with widows, I’m like, do not miss this.
Do not miss what is happening every day, as hard as it is, do not miss the treasures that you are mining in these hard things. We only learn, Daniel, in pain. We don’t learn in comfort. And so I I’m just like, why do we fight pain so hard? It’s the only place we really learn. So I don’t know why we fight it so bad, because it’s every person in the entire world, whether they follow Jesus or not, they only you are only learning from pain and failure at the end of the day. I mean, the big things in your life.
You learn from pain and failure and loss. And so I just you know, why do we despise it so bad? so I just, you know, I don’t want them. I grieve this is sounds so weird, but I miss being a widow a lot of days. Like I miss that closeness to the Holy Spirit. Like on some level when you get a new husband, I mean you get a new husband and God was your husband. And so it’s like there’s a little bit of a replacement factor.
You don’t hear the Holy Spirit as clearly. You have a husband. He talks. You know, I mean, it’s just the reality of it. There’s a person with you who’s coaching you and mentoring you and loving you and and Jesus was all that for me. My kids didn’t have that ability, for sure not. I mean, and so I, you know, my s my therapist told me, she was like, You’re gonna miss the Holy Spirit when you read Mary Rod and I did. I totally did. And I just, you know, my biggest thing is for widows and I tell every single widow this, I don’t care if it offends them or not on some level, because it’s true, your best days are ahead. Now, you know, if you’re 90 and your husband dies, I’m not sure that that is the truth. But if you’re 45 and your husband dies, what I know and what I’ve seen to be true is that if you want a new life, you know, maybe some things about your marriage. Most marriages aren’t that great.
I mean, let’s be honest, you know? I mean, fifty percent of them fail, and then the other fifty percent, I’m not sure people are fully living. One, they don’t understand the gospel, two, they’re not free from their secrets. And that doesn’t create great marriages. So when you get free from yourself and then you’re, you know, widowed and you’re letting go of all these secrets and you understand the gospel. I mean, you can really live. And I’m just like, I’ve seen it so many times where women have like this the most amazing life on the other side of death. And they didn’t even know that was possible.
They were just like, my god, it’s the worst thing ever and yes, it’s horrible and at the same time you have an opportunity to reinvent yourself and to become a new creation in a way you didn’t even know was possible.
Daniel: I love that. Because there’s so much truth there that I have gotten to see over the years of people working through their grief journey and what it looks like to move forward taking pain and and turning it into purpose. Let’s talk about what you did with purpose, right? Which created the Never Alone Widows. We’re gonna talk about your book here in just a second. So what was it when you started this vision way back in twenty eighteen with you know not not having any ministry infrastructure, no staff, no major model to follow? Why did you see the need and how did you get to it the where you are today? I think I saw seventy three chapters in twenty nine states, national conference, book a podcast, right?
Rachel: Yeah. there was no vision, Daniel. What are we doing? I mean, I just this is what happened. My friend Suzanne, she was a recovering alcoholic in Birmingham. She’d met nine widows. They all went to Auburn University. She was a you know, she could love on alcoholics, but she was like, Rachel, you’re the widow. You could come love on these girls. we’re gonna raise some money and do massages in Birmingham, then you talk to we’ll do dinner and then we’ll pray for the next day. And I was like, Okay, I’ll get a massage. That sounds awesome. I don’t know what I have to share. I’m kind of still in the middle of it, but I’ll come over
And this was I think in April of 2018. I drove home. It was amazing. We had the best time. I just loved being with these widows. I didn’t have a time I didn’t have a whole lot to give. I’m not a therapist. But I gave them my presents and I gave them my story and I gave them what I’d learned. I think I was I was at this point. I’m very vulnerable. I’m still I’m I’m just a really vulnerable person. So I was just like sharing all the things I did wrong. Like, don’t do what I did. And I drove home that day with another widow, and I was like, gosh, I was like, we could do
Yes. Like we should invite twenty women to Atlanta and just love on and give gifts, feed really good, you know, do foot massages and nails and you know, and on that was genuinely the plan.
I was like, we’ll do a one time retreat. My friend Julia’ll help. We’ll sleep in all of our houses. I mean, it was like a choir tour of widows. Like, come sleep in our house. You don’t know us. I mean, it was hilarious. And they came and we had the best time. And when it was over, we were all cleaning up in the kitchen and we all looked at each other like
We have to do this again. Like this cannot be just a flash in the pan. Like five of those twenty widows went and started their own ministries after that. I mean, what? You know, and we were just with them. We prayed for them. We did have bring in a therapist who talked about their kids and how they could love their kids well through grief and
You know, that spiraled into more retreats, which spiraled into conferences to help all ages of widows, which, you know, now is ninety actually local groups across the country of these just amazing, you know, some with church partnerships, some in homes. We have kind of two models. And, you know, our goal really is to partner and to be a paraclete, you know, paraclete’s just a sister board to the local church that
Churches, they I mean I hate to say it, but Sundays coming every week and we don’t have a whole lot of margin to think about widows. It just is the reality. Nobody’s fault in the church. you know, and they change their oil, you know, do an oil change for the widows once a year. And but widows need a lot more than that. They need a lot more than just one luncheon. They need to be known. They need to be in groups, they need to have their people, and they need to have, you know, hope filled content, which is what we’ve created a splendid. plethora of books, podcasts, resources, Bible studies. You know, we’re just like we’re gonna give you everything we have and and we with the hope that you would take a little bit of it. That’s so powerful to hear. I love what you’ve been doing. Tell us a little bit about the book that’s coming up here and how you came to craft that as a part of this. Yeah. The book
You know, we launched the the devotional last year and I will say we just got nominated for Evangelical Christian Publishing Award, which is a really big deal in the Christian publishing. We didn’t win, but I was like, I can’t even believe we’re nominated, honestly. But it was me, it was a hundred and sixty five of my stories and then two hundred other widows who wrote the devotional with me. It’s just, you know, short little blurbs every day. It’s called Widows Might and it’s just it it’s just the
The little nugget that a widow needs every day to go, God is still good. If he did it for her, he can do this for me. That’s it. I mean that’s really all that’s that was the goal of every day. If he did it for her, he’ll do it for me. And just to give her that hope that one, your life’s not over and
Also an opportunity for widows who will never write a book to be in a book and to say, you know, I’m on page eighty five and it was, you know, my husband’s anniversary, June fourteenth, or whatever, you know, it’s really special. So I never dreamed, you know, God would put the book and where he’s put the book, but he did he he does it. I I don’t know enough about marketing to get all that situated, but but it’s been amazing.
Daniel: Last two things we’re talking about here is this idea of for our listeners out there who feels maybe resonating with some part of your story, but in other ways she might feel like she’s behind or this imaginary progress towards healing. Yeah. What is the message that you’d have for her? And then tie it to your tagline, which you talked about, this idea from desperation to destiny. Destiny cast the vision for the future.
Rachel: Yeah, well, I mean, first of all, if you feel like you’re behind, I just break that off of you in Jesus’ name right now because you’re not behind. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be. If you’re listening to this podcast, you can’t unknow what you’ve heard. So I love love that because I think it just takes, you know, it takes it takes one line, it takes one moment, one podcast for women a lot of times to hear things that are like, is that true? And then they go search it out themselves. And I’m like, yes. The multitude of counselors, right? Tell it again and again. I mean, again and again. So, you know, at the end of the day, you’re not behind if you feel that way. That’s the voice of the enemy talking. You’re right exactly where you’re supposed to be, and you’re on a precipice of exploring the goodness of God and or something. staying stuck and and two things. I just did a TED talk this past week and my premise is why did this happen to me is the most dead end question of all time. So you can continue to ask that question for the rest of your life and there will never be an answer. It’s always a dead end.
You could have never done enough if he was sick with cancer. You could have never got him to write all the right doctor. Like you will set you could second guess yourself all the way to eternity. But I believe there’s a better question and it’s who needs what I’ve learned in this pain. And honestly that if you change the why, you change one letter. It’s one letter, a why to an O. Who? Who are the people? And then your brain activates to people who need you might just be one day ahead of the widow.
The new widow who’s down the street whose husband died yesterday, you’re you’re days ahead of her. You know, you you you already have something to give her. And so if you activate your brain to that widow, God will do immeasurably more than you can think or imagine. Just in your activation of your brain to because your brain will look for people and not pain. And when you when you’re asking the question why did this happen to me over and over and you feel stuck or I’m behind or whatever, you if you change the question, God will change your life. I’m telling you it happens every time. So just you know, it’s really a challenge as widows who are listening to this, you know, if you if you feel like
You know, why is the pervasive question of your life just just let me implore you to stop asking that question. I will I I could ask that the rest of my life and think what wouldn’t have happened. And and it’s the exact same for you. If if you change the question, God will change your life. Wow, what a powerful way to end. I’d love for you to share about
Daniel: Where people can find more about you, the podcast, the book, the website, things like that.
Rachel: Well the first thing is go to the website and go to the local groups tab and look and see if there’s a group in your city because we wanna see you, we wanna meet you. And if you’re listening to this and you’re not a widow, we need your help. So go there and join up with one of those groups and say, Hey, I’m gonna make the cookies this week or this month because, you know, we we really
We really want people in live community. We have online communities, so neveralonewidows.com. I’m at Rachel Faulkner Brown on Instagram. At Never Alone Widows on Instagram.
Our Bible study scene from Desperation to Destiny is an eight-week video-driven Bible study. So great place to start if you’re like, I want to be in the Word, but I also just want to hear from widows, widow-led widows on the videos, conversations that’ll change your life. So that would be an amazing place to start. And gather a group if you know widows, gather a group and do it the summer. It’s so fun. Well, Rachel, it’s been such a pleasure to hear your story of grief, but most importantly that.
Thank you, Daniel. So good to meet you.
Daniel: Thank you for listening to this episode of Widow Life and Money.
The views and opinions of guests on this program are not necessarily those of Wise Stewardship Financial Planning. Daniel and Wise Stewardship Financial Planning are not affiliated with guests or their business affiliates unless otherwise stated.
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